The Walmart State of Mind....

Oh for the sweet love of God, I just saw a lady at Walmart who was proudly wearing a size 6 pair of jeans on her size 24 body. Perhaps all this weight loss talk is a complete waste of time  - perhaps I should just PRETEND to be skinny like Miss Muffin Top Walmart and see where that gets me. Perhaps thinness is just a state of mind. Wait.... I am just going to run upstairs and try and pop on on my old skinny jeans and see how I feel........

.......Nope, I couldn't breathe and felt the circulation in my legs being cut off. Perhaps, just perhaps, I have just discovered the Walmart State of Mind! Is this good or bad? Miss Muffin Top Walmart would vote that this is a good thing. For all of us that had to witness her bending over to pick up her 24 pack of Coke, we vote BAD!!!!!!!

Just a thought...

Day 2 - after 3 days in bed......

Yay, the Honey badger is back! After being hidden in a dark room for the last  3 days with a stinking  migraine I am back and ready to be completely ruined by good old Sean-o! I suspect that my body basically gave me the bird after that last session and went into shutdown mode BUT the honey badger does care........ See you after the next horrid workout.

Day 1 of the HB Challenge

Day 1.  OK, already I want to tell "Sean" from Insanity to shove his pushups where the sun doesn't shine!  BUT... I still completed my first day which was a fitness test full of crazy crap like "Suicide Jumps", "Push Up Jacks" and "Switch Kicks". It sounds like I am learning to be a Ninja.  Cool! Well when I was Ninja-ed out I discovered something very interesting, yet not surprising, about myself - I am actually more unfit than Jabba the Hut having a veg out session. Alas it is true.

Well I survived the very first day and I can start tomorrow from the bottom and work my way up. The very, very, very bottom. Oh God I am sure I can see the top to Skinnyville if I squint my eyes!!!!

See you tomorrow for Day 2.  Oh dear God!!!!

Show us your..... Knockers???

Team USA strikes again.  When Grace proudly marched up to me in Target and asked if she could have these I absolutely killed myself laughing.  "Darling" I said, "considering you are a daughter of mine, you will certainly be blessed with these soon enough. In the meantime shall I just put them in your hair.........?".   In true Karli style it all about the Boobs!  Just for the record, Team Aussie call them Bobbles/Baubles. xxxx

The Honey Badger Challenge

Just a big fat (pardon the pun) piece of advice: Never ever try to lose weight when you are in a country that deals in pounds. When you finally drag your oversize butt on to the undersized scales and you are greeted with a whopping 40 million POUNDS.........., well it just makes you feel ..... well huge!  Convert in to kilos and you suddenly drop weight like you wouldn't believe. Ta da, just like that I have figured out the secret of eternal weight loss.

On that note, after parking my enormous butt on the couch surfing the 40 million channels on pay TV, I found myself enthralled by a fitness program called Insanity. That's right people, you heard it first - I was watching a fitness program!!! After a whole hour of being mesmorised while 10 or so super hot, cut bodies paraded their pecks, glutes, abs (and whatever the hell that muscle is that is that you always see Calvin Kline models with, whilst wearing undies or jeans) I decided it was time. Time to hoik my flabby, uncut, hail damaged body, streaked with a myriad of "flames of love" (stretch marks) off the couch and into the world of Insanity!!!!!  I too can prance around in a sports bra and bike pants without the fear of a camel toe/moose knuckle rearing its ugly head and screaming "Woooohoooo" after completing 50 or 60 one armed pushups.  It's time to release the skinny bitch within and hit the gym.

Ok folks so here is the plan. The Insanity program has a challenge that goes for 60 days. They say that they can turn you from a fat slob into a beach babe in just 60 days. Sooooooo, I am going to do the 60 day challenge and tell you if it really works. I have renamed the challenge "The Honey Badger Challenge". Those of you who know the Honey Badger will know why.  Those of you who don't, go to this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg

I will blog everyday and tell you how I am going and how much it sucks a row of hairy bottoms. I will post scary photos, but none in true fatty-fatty-boom-bah style with my guts hanging out over my way too tight bike pants.  Deal?!

As an added incentive, Shano has agreed that if I can make it to my goal weight of "Totally Hot Babe" he will give up smoking. And man, who doesn't want to see if Shano can survive without his daily intake of pure poison!!!!

Alright then it's on..... tomorrow will be Day 1 of the challenge and I will report back to you tomorrow.   If I don't report back then I might still be on the floor of the basement, having died from a massive heart attack, so perhaps someone could let Shano know.

Goodbye Fatty Fatty Boom Bah Karli and Hello Hottie Hottie Honey Badger!